MOM WAS AN ARTIST AT HEART

Yesterday I posted a story about my Mom and how she loved the artist Norman Rockwell.  I mentioned and posted that my Mom did some drawings of Santa that looked like Norman Rockwell drawings of Santa.  I now ponder the idea that my Mom’s love and attraction to Norman Rockwell was because she was an artist at heart.

When my Mom was in high school, I have been told that she was able to write extremely well and that she was at the top of her high school class.  I did not know that my Mom was able to draw, as well.  I always thought that I had been given my talent genes from my Dad who was a fabulous and brilliant toy designer, however, I now have to rethink the notion that I may have inherited my gift from my Mom or maybe both.  Wouldn’t that be something?  All these years I never knew how much my Mom was able to create.  She went to a day program called The Guild after she left the hospital and there she would make all the decorations for every season and holiday. I have posted some pictures of them.  I particularly love the wreath with the holly berries and leaves.  I think it shows my Mom’s ingenuity and cleverness on how she put the wreath together.  I show a back photo to illustrate the way she attached the leaves and berries.  Being an artist myself. I can tell that this is a creative construction and a solution to the problem.  My Mom figured out how to attack the problem of how to put the wreath together in a certain way.  It is simple yet effective. 

I’d love to know where my creative talent came from because I would be just smitten with the idea that I got it from my Mom.  It is something I cherish about myself so profoundly and to know that my Mom and I shared the same artistic genes would be awesome.  That’s not to say that I don’t love the possibility that it may be because of my Dad’s genes because I adore this idea as well, however, at this point either way I know it is a gift that I have been given.  It has helped me through many a hard time and it has been the anchor in my life.  I could not survive without creating or making artistic things. In it’s extreme I think I would probably wilt over and die if I could no longer create.  What’s interesting about this point is how it may relate to my Mom since she had stopped making the decorations at The Guild say some 6 or 8 years ago and after her friend had passed away. She seemed to have lost her interest in making things. It’s not certain how long my Mom had Liver Cancer and I now see a correlation between her getting sick and not doing creative things anymore.  What’s not clear is if she stopped creating things from being ill with Liver Cancer or if it was because of a depression that she suffered after she lost her friend.  Possibly, it could be both or maybe neither.  As I have expressed my own compelling need to create to survive that is just like breathing, I have to wonder if this was also true for my Mom?  Believe me, I now go to all these places in my mind with questions since my Mom passed away.  Could her loss of desire to create have been a marker for how she was feeling psychologically and physically and even more signaled the beginning of her Liver Cancer?  I do not know the answer to this question and I have to wonder if all this makes any sense?  Basically, I’m trying to make sense out of nonsense!  In the end, I am left with the sadness of knowing that my Mom lost her desire at a certain point in her life which never came back. I am also left with the thoughts and sorrow of how my Mom could never be all she could have been had she not become mentally ill?  I wonder what she might have done with her life and her brilliance? I can only ponder what might have been.  So, at the same time, I try to find the joy of knowing that when my Mom was feeling well, she liked to make things just as I do and inside of her mind and soul was her spirit, which continues to live on through me.  I hope I do right by her.


Thank you so much for reading this post and sharing in my Mom's truth.


As my Mom could have been,
Loren  

MOM'S NORMAN ROCKWELL CHRISTMAS

NORMAN ROCKWELL
Tonight I am thinking of my Mom and how much she loved Norman Rockwell as an artist. Liking Norman Rockwell was important because my Mom did not often express interest in things like art or culture. I think I began thinking about this since Christmas is so near.  I live by the King of Prussia Mall in Pennsylvania and right now, this holiday season they are having an exhibit of Norman Rockwell's art at the mall.  How awesome is that?  It is as if my Mom is still stirring around and letting me know in little ways that she is telling me that she is still with me. Seeing that there is this exhibition is reminding me of a story I would like to share with you about my Mom and a Norman Rockwell book.

NORMAN ROCKWELL EXHIBIT AT KING OF PRUSSIA MALL

Last year when my Mom was at my house for the holidays, I had decided I wanted to get her a book of Norman Rockwell's art.  I didn't want to get a book that was too large because Mom did not have the ability to focus too long on reading or looking at the pictures.  It was possibly because of her illness.  Well, anyway I went into the book store Borders (I loved Borders) and I saw that there was no books that fit the features I was looking for, so I decided that I would not get a book after all.  Nevertheless, all day this idea of getting this book was in my mind and I could not get it out.  I wondered if it was because my Mom loved his work or just a plain ol' obsession?  I felt compelled to get this book for her.  This would be meaningful because my Mom could draw pictures of Santa Claus that looked so much like an old Norman Rockwell illustrations.  The thing that makes this so significant is that she would draw the pictures right out of her head without looking at any references. She just used her memory.  It's just awesome...  So, I was determined again that I was going to get her a book if it took all day.  I didn't tell my Mom what was on my mind because I wanted it to be a surprise.

MY MOMS DRAWING OF SANTA

Mom and I were going to go to Walmart to do some shopping and on the way I said to my Mom that I wanted to stop in this thrift shop to see what they had.  We had been there before and both loved it, so we decided to stop and take a peek inside.  We walked in and moved around the store in different directions.  I was walking toward the wall to see what they had in the way of books, specifically Norman Rockwell's book.   I felt drawn to this specific wall. As I approached the wall, I grazed over the books.  From the corner of my eye what did I see?   I looked down on to the shelf and staring at me, bright and bold as can be  and perched up on a easel was this book, CHRISTMAS WITH NORMAN ROCKWELL!   It had a big illustration image of Santa on the cover just like my Mom's drawings.  I thought I was imagining it.  Not only was it a Norman Rockwell book, but it was a Christmas edition!  What are the chances of this happening?  It was almost in mint condition with the dust jacket still on it.   It was a thin book with only 80 pages too!  I knew at that moment that this was suppose to happen exactly as it had.  I purchased the book and hid it in my bag.

On Christmas Eve I gave the Norman Rockwell book to my Mom.  When she saw it she seemed mildly excited and interested.  It now in retrospect was a very poignant moment because she was very sick with Cancer and we did not know it.  So, she looked at the book, however she did not show the enthusiasm that she normally would have had if she was not ill.  This, however, does not take away from this intense story of the book and how I stumbled on it.  It was meant to be and there was some message to be told.  Now when ever I see anything Norman Rockwell, I think so deeply about my Mom.  I see her spirit in his illustrations.   I believe that the exhibit that they are having at the mall is my Mom's way of letting me know she is still with me in spirit and that she is giving me ways to see her nature in ways that she could not do when she was living.  I also believe that the book was right where I found it to help me know more about my Mom as a woman and maybe as an artist?   So, tonight my heart is sad as I think about missing my Mom and the story of how I found the Norman Rockwell book for her.   I am approaching the holidays with a heavy heart and trying to think of all the positive things about my Mom and remembering her when she was happy.  Tonight, I will think about my Mom and know that she is right in step with me, as I live on.

I love you, Mom

Loren